Whereabouts of the Missing Mona Lisa

Part One of La Joconde Mysteries-Histories

Mona Lisa in an unguarded moment, 1911. Just asking for it !

As everyone knows by now, the Mona Lisa in the Louvre is a fake. The original, stolen in August by a man identified as Vicenzo Peruggia has never been recovered. Originally thought to be hidden in his Paris apartment, police searches have yet to turn up the Da Vinci masterpiece.

Vincenzo Peruggia, police file.

A former low-level worker at the museum, Peruggia has pulled off the art heist of the century. His technique ? Towards closing time, at the blue hour of the day when everyone at the museum is racing out the door, Peruggia lifted the painting off the wall, took it out of its protective covering and wrapped it in the white smock all Louvre employees wore at the time. He swiftly exited the museum.

There has as yet been no explanation for the lack of a thorough-going search of Peruggia’s Paris apartment. Current theories have now coalesced around storage in a trunk in Peruggia’s place. Two years after the crime, Peruggia returned to Italy.

Peruggia acted out of patriotic motives, so the current theory is based on his intent to see the return of La Joconde to Italy. This proves, in a sort of cock-eyed fashion, that frequent exposure to the world’s great art creates neither informed viewers nor the best detectives. Peruggia was apparently unaware that François the first, King of France, retook Milan in October, 1515; that Leonardo was present for the December meeting between François and Pope Leo X; that Leonardo accepted François’s invitation to exile in France, residing in the manor house Clos Lucé, near the king’s chateau in Amboise, Loire. François carried off the artist, and the artist brought la Joconda - Mona Lisa - with him. Whether or not it is secretly a self-portrait of Da Vinci is still open to debate; it remains (wherever the original may now be) in any case, unfinished. One of the rare drawings of the artist, and indeed the last, by Figino, shows his painting arm in a sling.

We have however good news for our readers. It appears that La Joconde may not have been able to resist the lure of Paris.

There was what many speculate to be a recent sighting of the painting in an unlikely locale. Investigations are ongoing, with police spread throughout the Paris métro. Until such time as the painting is recovered, a meticulously crafted duplicate is in place, under extreme security, so as to spare the feelings of hapless Louvre security, while maintaining the flow of tourists to one of the museum’s biggest attractions. The police are currently taking the extraordinary step of asking certain females to remove their masks. Riffs here offers paying customers the only known photo of this fugitive madonna.

Whether or not it is she, unfinished or not, is a subject that only obsesses certain toothy journos who once they get their teeth in a story, can’t seem to get them out.

As for Vincenzo…he has had an interesting life. He fought in World War One, was captured by the Austrians, survived two years in a camp, returned to Italy before giving into the allure of Paris, where until the end of his life he worked as a painter decorator under his original name, Pietro Peruggia. He took his secrets to the grave in Saint-Maur-des-Fosses. The painting is still at large.

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